


" That's it ? "

by iamarobronniffler



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Honest Conversation, M/M, Possible Future ?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 10:54:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10785369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamarobronniffler/pseuds/iamarobronniffler
Summary: Aaron and Robert broke up when Aaron has found out about what happened. A week has passed. It's time for a honest conversation.





	" That's it ? "

**Author's Note:**

> So, I know this won't be canon, absolutely not but I really want them to talk, to be honest with each other. This is my version of it, even if it's a little bit ooc for Aaron, he speaks a lot here (:p) but that's what I want as a result from his counselling, I want him to be able to talk a lot more about what he feels! I hope you'll like it !  
> (Sorry in advance for any spelling or vocabulary mistakes, I can't take off my french side ^^)

Aaron has just finished his run when he sees Robert sitting on the middle of the Mill’s garden, staring the house, their supposed home. He takes a deep breath and goes to join him. He sits besides him, Robert looks at him of out his eye's corner. He is confused to see him, he doesn’t know what to say or what to do. It has been a week without talking to Aaron, it has been seven days of feeling this complete emptiness. They are staying like this for a few minutes.  
But Aaron is breaking the silence : « I have been thinking about this phone call a hundred times since last week… »  
« What ? »  
« Yeah, it was a Monday, I was looking forward to talk to you and Liv. At that time, I thought I could get past what was happening in prison because I had both of you. But it’s the same day where they took me in his cell… »  
Aaron lowers his head, Robert wants to touch him, to comfort him but he knows it’s really not the time, and besides he has not the right to do that anymore.  
« Aaron, I’m… »  
« No please… Let me finish… I told you what happened but I haven’t mentioned the priest, I guess he has been warned by one of the guard who found me. He took me in this room and made me talk. At first, I was laughing at him, they have broken me, any talk couldn't fix that. But, he was right about at least one thing, I should have told you what I was going through, maybe it would have or wouldn’t have helped at that time but at least we wouldn’t be where we are today… »  
Aaron raises his head and looks at Robert in the eyes.  
« Because I really wanted to, ya know, I swear when I was waiting for the phone I was determined to tell you the whole truth. I’ve promised you, didn’t I ? But… (there are some tears in his eyes) when I heard your voices, you were so happy I couldn’t… I just… I couldn’t… So, I took the easy way out, I took the drugs over you, over our family because I thought I wasn’t worth it, I wasn’t worth the hassle… »  
Hearing this and Robert was back to last year when Aaron told him the truth about his father, back then he was already worth the hassle and now he is even more than worth it but the fact that Aaron believes otherwise breaks his heart.  
« Aaron… »  
« Don’t… I just… I guess I needed you to know. You screwed up, you wanted to hurt me and you have succeeded, but I wanted you to know that I don’t blame you for all of it, you broke your wedding vows, but so am I. I have promised to be better and I have promised to never let you down again but I broke this promises…  
(Robert wants to say something but Aaron doesn’t let him).  
I already know what you’re going to say, I have my reasons and all, but it’s life right ? When something bad happens, you don’t just give up, you take support on your loved ones because they aren't only there for the good times, they are here for everything. And I can blame you for what you’ve done and believe me I do but I’ll be a mug if I should put all the blame on you. (He stops for a few seconds and carries on) Unfortunately, we’re the same, we know how to destroy ourself and even when we have said we wanted messed up forever that doesn’t mean we have the strength to bear it… »  
Aaron knows he should be leaving, after all he has said everything he wanted to say. But, since the first time in a week, having Robert close to him was the only thing which has brought him this comfort. Talk about ironie, right ! Sadly, he couldn’t stay here because that was also very hard.  
But, before he can move, Robert takes his hand in the most gentle way and says « I can change, I can keep trying, I want us to have this strength, please Aaron… »  
Touching his hand was painfully comforting, seven days without being able to touch Robert while he could see him in the village was the hardest thing he has to do : « Robert… »  
« No, I mean it, look at me, I mean it, I love you. I made the biggest mistake of my life, I’ll regret it forever because all I ever wanted to do was to make you happy…  
(He stops for a minute, trying to find the words, the ones who really matter but inside of him he knows it’ll never be enough. How could Aaron believe him after all the lies… but like he said he has to keep trying so…)  
You know, you’re not the only one who hasn’t been honest during this phone call. Of course, it’s not the same, that’s why I haven’t told you in the first place. (He takes a deep breath) I couldn’t sleep you know… I couldn’t sleep in our bed. The first nights, I used to sleep on your side because there was your scent on the pillow… (Aaron has a soft smile) Yeah yeah I know, soft lad, right ? (Robert is smiling in return and that reminds Aaron how much he misses this, the banter) But, after a few days, I had a really difficult day ; Nicola has annoyed me more than usual, Ronnie and I had a little fight about the house, and Liv has made a complete mess at home. (He sighs) I know it seems so ridiculous when I tell it like that but all I wanted to do was talking to you, I wanted to talk to my husband, I wanted to hug him and I wanted to kiss him because that was all I needed to forget all of this. But I couldn’t and this night when I got into bed, your scent, it wasn’t there anymore and suddenly that was too much. I took a blanket and I put myself in the couch…»  
Aaron couldn’t resist and says : « In this little couch ?? Are you joking ?? You’re always kicking me because you need YOUR space!! » He knew he was avoiding the main issue here but in the end he couldn’t believe what Robert was saying.  
Robert’s smile is vanishing when he starts again : « Yeah, but it was better than sleeping in our bed without you… »  
Both of them looking at each other, this heartbreaking love in their eyes.  
« So, this famous monday, there were trouble on trouble, I was on the edge and Vic saw it. She has tried to cheer me up and she has advised me to tell you what I was feeling because if you were at my place I would have wanted to know. But, you already know, I haven’t said anything… See, how she was right… (the sadness can be heard in his voice) And it got worse with all the issues with Liv and her school, the worry about you because I couldn’t see you and then the actual visit… (Aaron is looking away, he doesn’t need the reminder) I’m not trying to excuse myself here, this is not possible, I know that ! If you need to hear that I’m sorry I’ll say it every time you need to hear it ! (Robert is moving closely to Aaron) Because I mean it, more than anything. If only I could go back… But I can’t and all I can talk about is the future, our future, I meant what I said earlier I can keep trying to change because no matter what you believe, you are more than worth it. And you were wrong, they haven’t broken you, you’re too strong for that ! »  
Robert has always knew what to say to make Aaron feeling loved, confident and safe. That’s one of the reasons he loves him but right now it’s not the matter here.  
« Robert, it’s not like when we got back together! You have already proved me that you have changed, you are already better! Why do you think I’m here, talking to you after what happened ? You’re one of the best man I know, you have saved my life more times than you think, you’ve helped me with the toughest time of my life, you have loved me more than anyone before and more importantly you have stayed no matter what ! »  
Aaron is squeezing Robert’s hand a lot more harder.  
« You wanted me to say something, anything, when I found out but I couldn’t because all I could think about was : that’s it, he is leaving, he made his decision this famous night. But, then I had all this memories when I got back from prison coming through my mind, our picnic or the way you looked at me during my first counseling session like I was your entire world and you needed to protect me at all cost. So, nah, I couldn’t say a word because I had nothing to say…  
« Ya know, it was the worst thing, you saying nothing, I knew this time, it was over… And I couldn’t do anything about it… (He hesitates but he carries on) Can I ?»  
Suddenly, it’s too much, too hard… Aaron removes his hand and gets up.  
« So, that’s it ? » asks Robert softly.  
« I don’t know Robert. I knew this was going to be hard between us ! Let’s face it, our relationship would have never been like the one of David and Tracy (Robert makes a small smile) and I’m glad to be honest but right now we have deeply hurt each other. If I hadn’t had my counseling this morning, I would not have had the courage to join you here, she made me realise everything I said to you. I needed to get it out of my chest and you deserved to know… »  
Aaron is turning around.  
« Can you forgive me… One day ? » asks desperately Robert. He has a bad feeling that this is the end of his marriage if he doesn’t say anything. Even something as dumb as this.  
Aaron takes a pause before answering : « I think we both have to forgive and to work on ourselves before we forgive each other… »  
He can’t explain why but Robert’s hope is getting up so he is trying something more : « When did you become the wiser one ? »  
Aaron is smiling. Robert has always knew how to make him feel better even in the darkest moments. He is turning around and says : « I always have been, you were too smug to see it ! ». Robert makes a little laugh. They haven’t fix anything and by the way they are far from finding the way to do it, and of course they are not back together. But for the first time in this week of hell, they can both breath without having this weight on their chest because inside of them they know they want to try.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! Feel free to tell me what you think in here or on Tumblr (same url : iamarobronniffler)! :)


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